loud footsteps burst through the outer door. mock waving. Hugh.

If this was how it would be
If this was how it would be. I'll save you a spot. Tonight you'll go to sleep fucking the emir's wife!The camp sprang alive.. I rolled my eyes. She handed half to me. Where was Sophie?Norcross dismounted and the others did the same. the slower and more treacherous every step became. knights and soldiers.' she says. I'll need it more when I come back. he said.Why. No one wanted to delay in our rush to catch up with the army of Peter. And Robert too. who farmed a plot by the river. consumed with grief and rage.What did flash through my brain was the incredible irony of it all. One false step would mean a grisly death. with red crosses either painted or sewn onto plain tunics. You smell it. we fitted the comb's halves together and made a whole.Now I realized what Norcross and his men were doing here. Children playing ball in the square dived out of the way. and said.But I know I ran.Hugh. to ask God for the forgiveness of my sins. the soldiers mocked.

I muttered. ? I repeated. I'll need it more when I come back... lifeless. Another knight galloped into the water and waded out to the spot. it caused a terrible reaction. Turbaned men rushed into the street and were cut down in bloody messes before they could even raise their swords.Saint Peter's sandals .My attacker hesitated. Jagged mountains appeared in our path. I reached for Robert and pulled the boy toward the mountain's face. grammar. you say.. I dreamed about Sophie every night. I wanted not just to fight for my own gain. I thought we would live out our lives together.He grinned sheepishly. Or the miller's wife. New aromas entranced me. leaving eight dead and burning almost every house to the ground. It was impossible to tell a red cross from a pool of blood. we grew to hate and curse. the rest were seized.She sat up straight. I screamed. brandishing a makeshift knife.

It was built on a sharp rise. Nico? This was the pilgrimage to St. The lucky among us were slain where they stood. I saw knights wearing the purple-and-white colors of Baldwin of Treille. come quick. Sophie. An anguished plea rose from the crowd. Something from this moment that I would have for the rest of my life. with bright red crosses. It had belonged to her mother. I had gone into the hills to pick it early that morning. seeing the old man slipping off the edge. who farmed a plot by the river. every ridge ripe with ambush. He scanned our village from atop his mount and remarked loudly. A mere stumble..And there was Robert with his goose. and though I knew it was probably my last breath.He was just a boy.The Bosporus . Hugh. anything that came into my head-when one of the henchmen rushed up to me. but without result. Reach up your other hand. Then. next right. the vast column wound into the main square and the queer monk at its head tugged his mule to a stop. No one wanted to delay in our rush to catch up with the army of Peter.

and a man disappeared over the edge..FOR DAYS TO COME.I pressed Robert up against the wall. Riches and spoils picked up along the way. God wills it. Let him up. yelping and hacking at those who met them. Men and women hacked up like diseased stock. In Antioch. we passed through Veille du P?re.The pagan is a coward. in full armor. have been fed to dogs; cherished vials filled with drops of the Savior's own blood. buckling to their knees.Everyone in town stood and stared. A left at the next ridge and we should seeRome. The monk Peter mounted his donkey. It was now eighteen months I'd been gone. The fortress lacked all water. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty. Antioch would fall. my son?'`I saw your signs along the road. run dry of provision by the Turks themselves.Sophie lifted her head and kissed me. `Go in peace. dozens of turbaned riders flashing long. Marie begged on her knees..

And though they fell in love at that first sight.IT HAPPENED JUST THAT WAY nearly every day.Just a few days before. these Tafurs fought like possessed devils.The party of horsemen pulled to a stop in the square. and turns down the road until he arrives at an old stone church marked St. He went and cupped the face of the cowering boy in his massive hand. where ladders were hoisted against the walls and wave after wave of men climbed over. my legs seemed ready to comply.Below us. I instructed him. redhead. I raised my sword. only a fool. I thought I saw something there that in that instant mirrored my own thoughts. gripping the sheer stone as huge rocks crashed around us. Blood spurted from their faces. the vast column wound into the main square and the queer monk at its head tugged his mule to a stop. thrusting his knife into the Turk's chest.But the old Greek was too slow and laden with gear to get out of the way. an officer barked from behind. or offal. he shouted back. We baked like hogs. but they were clear and sure. yellows from China. Then I hoisted Robert into the air. barely wide enough for a cart and a horse. .

Robert still at my side. and their daughter. seemingly raised as one.God . eager to share in the spoils. Nobles on horseback whipped their tired mounts and rushed toward the front. barely able to believe my eyes.I love you too.. brandishing a long blade. Jerusalem is near. I said. Do not compare the Pope's holy protection to yours. The detachment at Xerigordon had already been done in-not by siege butthirst. turned and fled from the walls. It was broken only by Aim?e's whimpers as she emerged weak-kneed from the mill. It's me. I had sworn in my heart to protect him. yet we trudged on; our hearts and wills. just as one of the attackers thrust a dagger into the belly of the priest.. Our weapons came together in a mighty clang. Marie begged on her knees. God had taken me where I belonged.The massive Turk... In a last effort. and the rest of us trudged like beaten livestock in the blistering heat and bargained for what little food there was.

It seems he wasn't cut out for the miller's life after all. Nico's trick had worked. like one of those multitudes prophesied in Isaiah or John. teetering over an immense chasm.Right in front of our eyes. Soon they were battering again at the gate. the small group of men Robert and I had attached ourselves to began to thin. laughter had entered my soul. Her legs parted and I gently eased myself inside. You're right. It took my breath away. I stayed. A bearded knight helped him slide off. seemingly built into a solid mound of rock. Word has reached him that a rabble passed through here a day ago. we passed through Veille du P?re.Sophie. and I always did. an officer barked from behind.Instead . I stepped over to the body of the man who had spared me and looked. word reached us that the fortress had fallen.For the first time. For what end?Why did you spare me? I looked into the Turk's dull. giving the appearance that we were headed for a raid elsewhere. You're right. sounding almost disappointed. a soldier exclaimed.Why had I ever come to this place? I had walked across Europe to fight for a cause in which I didn't even believe.

Crusaders . I turned to Robert with a sigh of relief. Every race was represented. spilling over with defenders in white robes and bright blue turbans at every post. I saw it myself. the column came to a halt. though our new enemy became the blistering heat and thirst. I was no hero.God wills this? I screamed.I know that is a pile of shit.Everyone in town stood and stared.But the old Greek was too slow and laden with gear to get out of the way. he would taunt. don't let this be some kind of cruel trick. but for him it was never far. it caused a terrible reaction. eager to show our face to the Turks. They all bore the wide-eyed.By my calculations. With a hideous bray.In spite of our being totally outnumbered. Then I saw his expression relax into the slightest inkling of a smile. because I have not given you a child. `Go in peace. a terrible moment that was empty and gnawing. No one around can do the tricks I do. I fixed on a face above the main gate. and honor in battle. one step at a time.

Once-proud knights trudged humbly. Then he toppled forward. Are the mapmakers taking notes?I never knew that a peacock would so take to water.All but one. hung up on spears.I pivoted aside and brought my sword over the back of his head.I don't get it.Their presence here could only signal harm. the poor mule toppled over the edge and fell into the void. Hugh? he asked with an eager smile. ? It could not be! My mind flashed back to the cheerful faces and joyous voices of the hermit's army as it marched through Veille du P?re.. Then the devils moved on to us... an arrow piercing his throat so completely his hands gripped it on both sides. The Turk let out a chilling howl.. wildly gasping for air.A moment before..But look.I will help the miller increase his tax by a third. they were split open by the Turks as they swooped by. lighting a cloth afire and tossing it to the earth.What a shame.Sophie.Raymond ordered the army to break camp. I knelt down and touched his hand.

cleansing the city of anything Moslem. resolved that any breath might be my last. One day. I wished Nico were here. I lost my tongue.. And so wasour song:A maiden met a wandering man / In the light of the moon's pure cheer. She hurried to the table by the hearth. the Pope's protection is worthless. I felt her thin body tremble in my arms. yelping and hacking at those who met them. dead.. Word has reached him that a rabble passed through here a day ago. then attend harder to your work.In a flash he was gone.See ? One more time. She stood there. Our entire town gasped in horror. I motioned with my eyes for them to stay clear of Norcross and his thugs. I reached and wiped a glistening tear from her eye. galloped over the bridge aboard his mule. Men bowed their heads and crossed themselves.. I said. we'll both fall. And at the head of this assemblage. They swept toward us like hunters chasing a hare. it's the worst equipped.

The traveler assumes it is a joke. as if he were evaluating whether to leave me in the same condition as the Turk.The other assailant rose and faced me. The rage that burned in my heart from the day's horror was killing me. from the same building. swept up in the tide of the charge. I saw poor Mouse. to watch over us.Then I should pack some more food for you. they were setting me free!If the Turk had not hesitated just a moment ago.Norcross seemed delighted.I am not! You mustn't think that. Raymond of Toulouse is forming an army. Her tinkling little-girl laugh. I was a different man.WE BURIED THE DEAD for six days straight. I promised grimly. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn. I could no more hold him off than I could a tornado. A calm came over me. Where was Sophie?Norcross dismounted and the others did the same.. tell me. almost inexplicably. eager to show our face to the Turks.Then he lowered his head and puked his guts out on the field. She came back a moment later with her treasured comb. daylight darkened. were being held for ransom.

We stood in our tracks and scanned the hills. one mile. but when it comes out it's flopping about?She widened her eyes and blushed.in the light of the moon's pure cheer. I knew I could no longer fight. where they fell. I'll be back before you know it. transfixed by the awful corpses of the Turks. I resumed. Our spirits were bolstered by the tales of Turks fleeing at full run. I said to him. heavy rocks and fiery arrows rained down on us. I turned and took a long last look at the inn. you will need it all the more. To tell her I loved her. Who knows? I smiled. His small jaw hung open. it's summer. the Tafur had said.. grabbing for his arm. To listen. And there was nothing in its place.What has happened here? a soldier muttered.On the outskirts. Georges was my friend. the trail ahead was lined with large white rocks.hundreds of them . Though I wanted to weep for my fallen friends.

All I wanted was to get off this ridge. His body was asunder. When we hit the mountains. It was a host of lies. My heart went out to him.In Caesarea. she whispered. God will reward you. But this was magnified a thousand times. Hugh? Her eyes locked on mine. I told him. For a few moments.I am not! You mustn't think that. I only wanted to go home. Heads severed and gawking. but each step.It was the image I carried for the next two years. a soldier exclaimed. searching for archers or pitch...Sophie lifted her head and kissed me. he shrugged to his comrades. I wanted freedom for Sophie and the children we would have one day.Press on. I saw something there that this whole bloody night I had not seen: virtue. Hugh. Who knows what I might find there? There are tales of riches just for the taking. slaughtering infidels and hoarding all the spoils.

Infidels. the same Guillaume had stood behind me after Nicodemus was swept off the rocky cliff to his death... I dreamed about Sophie every night. expecting to see my legs separated from my torso.Young Robert. I fear not. and the mood in the ranks brightened with anticipation of what lay ahead. it looks old. Hugh. while our nobles fought and bickered among themselves. A ways back on that last ridge. For a moment I almost raised my hand and called out. Blood spurted from their faces.I don't know. Reach up your other hand. His Holiness Urban promises unimaginable rewards. This time: `Convent. And holy relics worth more than a thousand inns like ours. the Holy Land. He blinked at me. Norcross nodded. I accept your offer.you are here for God's work . It seemed impregnable. come quick. See how it saves you now. slaughtering infidels and hoarding all the spoils.

Marie.Away from the senseless killing. cleansing the city of anything Moslem. Haven't I always been true to our lord. I squawked about like a chicken. from the same building.. don't you. Hurry. The talk..Looking up. Above me. his brows arched. cool nave of the church than I heard a cry of anguish coming from the front.I had to get out of here. I was prepared to say anything. Something from this moment that I would have for the rest of my life..There was a shriek. He exhaled a final breath. I leaned over the dead Turk. Maybe I would be rich. on a holy crusade that I never really believed in. only to be overcome by the sheer numbers they faced. more Tafurs hunting for spoils. The happiest days of my life.He took a look at his assailants. your queen.

. No. It seemed to stretch out forever. I ran. missing me by the width of a blade. a diminutive Spaniard with a large hooked nose. slaughtering infidels and hoarding all the spoils. stepping over to the boy. And there was something that I missed from those days. but these savages would surely kill me. Men lined the shore. insisted that the scouts and maps suggested a point to the south..Get out of my way . I watched as many a loyal soul. There would always be another Norcross. pushed east to seize the Turkish fortress at Xerigordon. clattering to the ground. A wave of our own cavalry went out to meet them. the mistress of a cleric who could no longer hide my presence. And when our troops finally opened the gates in desperation. Take this with you.Nico .One by one.In battle. I said to him. you won't have your treasure for long. They grinned and dragged poor Aim?e. had turned toward me.

.Suddenly the assault turned into a rout.THE MORNING OF THE DAY I was to leave was bright and clear. God wills it. for some kind of dagger.He carried Alo. It bounced off with the effect of a pebble tossed against a wall. One was Nicodemus. Though I had seen many men fall. a vassal of Bohemond. I begged. and there were fruits I had never tasted before: oranges and figs. What else could matter? I was a fool to have left her. Take this with you. Consider your tax raised. even before the sun. the towers. This time: `Convent. then he nodded. When I see you each day.Norcross shouted. like a jig. Others. was swept screaming into vast crevices or dropped in his tracks by Serb or Magyar arrows a thousand miles before the first sign of a Turk. Nerves?The boy shook his head.. What did you see?It was laughter that had saved me. I could not hold it back. They pushed aside women and children.

if I truly believed. No great loss.a village in southern France .Raymond ordered the army to break camp. barefoot. Nicodemus glanced at me. next right. For a while. We pulled back two miles.There was a shriek.The Bosporus. then let it be.Our battalions headed toward the north tower. side by side. As they readied.you are here for God's work . We continued to climb.Now I was free. From that moment on.There's one more thing.But I know I ran. I stepped forward..It was only with Sophie that I felt truly free. Others fell over him. It seems he wasn't cut out for the miller's life after all.. Turks hacking at them. `Good enough.

THE FEW SURVIVORS HUDDLED AROUND fires that night.I'll find food. marching through Veille du P?re!Butwhat an army! More of a rabble.I counted to thirty. The Turks. another charge? Weary and frightened soldiers around me moaned in disbelief. I heard Sophie scream. priest? He chuckled. Very old. but these savages would surely kill me. But it seemed strong. I had earned this much. Today. the Pope's protection is worthless. It's me. the monk said in a surprisingly strong voice. Even us. Sophie. I was only a breath away from death and yet instead of panic and fear. just sixteen. where they fell.And the thirst. And people of no stench. confused. will you? In a flash. West.I had to get out of here. suddenly. We pulled back two miles.

hacking away at limbs and heads. Norcross sighed. Mother of God.As I looked at my murderer. mad with greed. pummeling him with kicks. but everyone shouted him down. do I forget the time?He slowly raised the wheel.And the thirst. I only wanted to go home. eager to fight for the glory of God. pummeling him with kicks. The town had bid me godspeed with a festive roast the night before. who instructs him.Sir. On that first morning we lined up. dropping them as they ran. After my discovery. someone commented. then merged with the ranks.Those we captured were sometimes handed over to a fearsome group of Frank warriors called Tafurs. `and consider yourself properly screwed!'Laughter broke out from all around. But the laws of custom are the laws. knight. House of Prostitution. a hazel twig to clean my teeth. Tafurs. I drew my sword..

Would she even know me now.For freedom? Suddenly. then slowly raised the wheel. Can't it wait.If it's martyrs you're looking for. it looks old. how I had since the first time I had set eyes on her.I swear. I laughed above the din. Kill the pagans and sit with the Lord in Heaven. Brigit. was swept screaming into vast crevices or dropped in his tracks by Serb or Magyar arrows a thousand miles before the first sign of a Turk. The smallest hope flashed through me: maybe I could whack it across his ankles. For what end?Why did you spare me? I looked into the Turk's dull. and were left. They were not wearing crosses but filthy robes.I began to laugh. Give me your hand. loud footsteps burst through the outer door.I WAS FREE. and honor in battle. Then she held her half out and we touched the jagged edges together. had turned toward me.I know not exactly what went through my mind as.. I saw that same knight. Baldwin. I gently stroked her long blond hair.Their presence here could only signal harm.

Young and old. in hues of crimson and purple I had never seen. carrying clubs and tools straight from home. Hugh. God. we passed through Veille du P?re.My wife of three years hurried to the window.Saint Peter's sandals .. the miller's older son.As we entered the town there were corpses everywhere. I said. And the vermin had told me I was free. ? I could walk out of this church.What was going on?I rushed to the second-floor window of the inn I looked after with my wife.Your lord asked me to impress upon you. I put my hand on Robert's shoulder. said another in a parched. carts overladen with supplies.. I heard nobles disagreeing on the proper spot to ford the river. And people of no stench. consumed with grief and rage. so lacking in all provision.The cries of men dying hit me as I stepped outside. The sooner we get there. raped. He had joined the quest as a translator. The town had bid me godspeed with a festive roast the night before.

Roman ruins and temples. when word reached us that the King's son had died. Young and old. I thought about what weapons were at my inn and how we could possibly fight these knights if we had to. as if my ferocity could bring back my friend. while the fearful cleric did his best to defend himself with a rough wooden staff. they were setting me free!If the Turk had not hesitated just a moment ago.. How could anyone but a devil have such bright red hair? she said. His face was still lit with that innocent grin. or the lice crawling in my beard.. insisted that the scouts and maps suggested a point to the south. Alo was gagging and coughing water out of his lungs.I was going to die. I said. Yet I was dying for this cause anyway. the boy's face was bloated and wide-eyed.At first I stared in horror. From above. The streets ran ankle deep with blood. up ahead. you princesses. because I have not given you a child.Sophie lifted her head and kissed me. Baldwin? Haven't I done what was expected?Feel free to take your appeal to His Holiness.now . the poor mule toppled over the edge and fell into the void.' it reads.

The other assailant rose and faced me. Roman ruins and temples. glistening eyes. torsos naked and disemboweled. spinning around a final time to catch her laugh.. Jerusalem!TELL US A STORY. It is your lord. Professor. and their daughter.Nico . Even us. Rumor had it some holy relics were held ransom there. humor. I made one last prayer to Sophie. Guillaume's mount seemed to stumble.Every couple of days. throw up his hands and hug his mother.Even the men!I had traveled across Europe in my youth and had played most of the large cathedral towns. A soothsayer who couldn't even predict his own death? he spat. She would never know how I died..But then I felt Sophie's hand pressing on mine. though our new enemy became the blistering heat and thirst. Red-crossed soldiers stormed through the streets.It is their awful singing the Turks will turn and run from.He had just uttered these words when another turbaned warrior charged toward him. he seemed to grow. a memento.

mock waving. follow me. Each summer. I put my hand on Robert's shoulder. brandishing a makeshift knife. It took my breath away. and even more than that. just because you're first at the party doesn't mean you get to sleep with the mistress of the house. softly moaning with pleasure and love. Larger and more formidable than any castle I had ever seen back home. I had earned this much. glistening eyes.No. screaming. Or any of us. argued why lose a day. wielding leaded clubs and axes. Baldwin. He steps up and rings the bell. mad with thirst.

The singing stopped. On their huge mounts. a diminutive Spaniard with a large hooked nose.Then. I held my shield as they ripped into us. towns scorched and plundered dry.It is their awful singing the Turks will turn and run from.We spotted red crosses painted everywhere. I was prepared to say anything.He wants a fight. And at the head of this assemblage. some old knights parading in rusty armor. yet we trudged on; our hearts and wills.. stepping into the center of the square. I turned to Robert with a sigh of relief.Finally. If you don't. I reached for Robert and pulled the boy toward the mountain's face. Soldiers fell to their knees and moaned.

Please. do you not?Norcross leaned against the wheel for the longest time. her brave smile as I hopped down the road.. spilling over with defenders in white robes and bright blue turbans at every post. or close my eyes. covered in filth and sores. no doubt. Some puked and turned away. one step at a time. a heralded fighter.Nicodemus grasped for the rope. What did you see?It was laughter that had saved me.He wants a fight. House of Prostitution. There was nothing more to say. It was as if the boy had seen that he was powerless to stop his own death and. You are no soldier. That bird had walked across Europe with him! Many felt our luck had run out along with hers. up ahead.

or where. She hurried to the table by the hearth. Hugh. They pushed aside women and children. I raised my sword. The singing stopped. Consider your tax raised. They swept toward us like hunters chasing a hare. howled in anguish. wildly gasping for air. if only I could hold her one more time. Robert still at my side. I reached for Robert and pulled the boy toward the mountain's face. `Place a gold coin in the cup. Then.Just a few days before. lightweight cottons and silks. They all bore the wide-eyed. Ahead of us was a wide gulf in the mountains. I could scarcely breathe myself.

I held her and stroked her hair. I said to Robert.A stirring rose in me. Even us. the sooner we can set our brothers free.Be brave .A gasp escaped from those on shore.Many knights sank to their knees in prayer. our burden had seemed bearable. He charged at me once more. I pumped out my chest.It was late summer when we finally came out of the mountains.Why don't we see what his protection is truly worth.I watched them with a yearning I thought had long been put behind me. unsure look. Pay them back!I had to leave. bouncing over the edge into oblivion. loud footsteps burst through the outer door. mock waving. Hugh.